My heart has been broken for the second time.

When I hear the term broken heart I get this image of a teen aged girl who just had some loser dump her after just a few weeks of dating.  The girl will say that she's heart broken because she was in love with him.  I don't feel that way but I just don't know what else to say since I truly feel heart broken in the events that have happened in the last few months.
So as most of you know I lost a baby shortly after moving here in Oklahoma.  If you are not familiar with it you can read about it. http://the-little-roberts-family.blogspot.com/2010/02/worst-tuesday-of-my-life-feb-2.html There.  So with David now being over a year after we came home end of January from a trip to Wisconsin we decided to start trying for a new baby.  I found out I was pregnant March 16th (exactly 4 weeks).  I told Joe on the 18th that I was pregnant by buying a big brother shirt for David.
I had some heavier spotting but wasn't ever to worried about it since it was old blood.  Oh my 26th I have some heavier bleeding where it soaked through the think pants I was wearing.  I was on my way home from the gym with my friend Stephanie.  We also had David and her daughter with us.  She took us all to my house where I called Joe and told him to come home.  I also called the doctor and they told me to go to the ER.  So we were there for 4 hours.  In those 4 hours we had waiting, blood test, urine tests, ultra sound, and a pelvic exam.  It was by no means fun what so ever.
The ultra sound showed nothing.  By nothing I mean it was just a big empty space.  My blood worked showed that I was at least pregnant, but they couldn't tell me for sure that I had miscarried.  So the following Thursday I go in for a blood test to check my hormone blood levels.  And they had actually doubled! I couldn't believe it.  I was so happy, but all happy moments don't always last.
On the 3rd I had another bought of heavier bleeding where I was pretty worried.  Since it was in the morning I got to talk to my doctor before doing anything else.  They had me come in for another blood test and another ultra sound.  The blood test showed my hormone levels were in the 3,000's but it should have been in the 4,000 so that was the first red flag.  Also my baby was measuring (yeah there was actually something there the next time) 5 weeks and 3 days and we couldn't tell if it did or did not have a heart beat.  We could see the valve, but she couldn't find a heart beat, but she assured me it was still a little early since by 6 weeks it was for sure to need to beat by then.
After all those things I got put on complete bed rest.  Though my bed rest wasn't long it was horrible.  Joe was there the rest of Tuesday and all of Wednesday I was on my own on Thursday.  It was hard because David was a little freaked out because I wouldn't pick him up.  He didn't like having Dad put him to bed one bit.  So we were all having a really hard time with it.  Some wonderful women stepped up to help though.  We got some meals, had some people stop in to spread cheer and just felt very loved.
Then on Thursday (Joe's birthday).  I had my friend Stephanie make a cake, pick up balloons, and pick up an Old Chicago Pizza for Joe's birthday.  Joe went into work at 2.  I had Jennifer Myers stop in to bring me and David some snacks and to keep us a little company.  My friend Bethanie Murphy stopped in to get David to let them play with her kids.  Just minutes after 5 I passed something from down there.  The strange thing is I didn't really feel crampy or anything.  I just felt all over bad all that day.  I called Joe and he told me he'd come back home.  I called the after hours number for the doctor and talked to a super rude nurse.  Then I kept passing more stuff.  I didn't really have high hopes.  I got someone to come over and help Joe with a blessing.
So I go in the following day Friday  I went in for another blood test and my levels had all ready dropped into the 600 range.  So yeah I lost the baby.
Now I get to have weekly blood tests till my levels zero out.  I have another ultra sound tomorrow to make sure everything has passed.  I'm not very excited about that.  All I keep thinking about are the million what ifs that go along with a miscarriage.  What if they had put me on bed rest after the first ER visit, what if I didn't pick David up so much, what if I didn't go to the gym at all while I was pregnant though I was going before hand, and what if I could have just done anything better than I did do.
So I must say an earlier miscarriage is a lot easier than a 12 week one.  Though when you have to have a D&C (Dilation (or dilatation) and curettage (D&C) refers to the dilation (widening/opening) of the cervix and surgical removal of part of the lining of the uterus and/or contents of the uterus by scraping and scooping (curettage)) so there was nothing left to pass.  This time I felt like there was so much for such a small thing.  I feel bad to say that I didn't have very high hopes for this pregnancy.  To many things went wrong way to early.  Every time things were going good I always felt like I was just getting set up to be broken down again and I was right on that one.

All I can say is I'm happy to have my little man that I have.  I'm not sure if we will have another or not before Joe gets out since time is running short for that and I don't want to have a baby without any insurance.  So wish us luck with choosing what to do.  
Above is the shirt I got for David.  Now I'm not sure what to do with it.  :(