The Blind Side

So Joe, myself, the Buchs (are new military friends), and one of their friends went to see the Blind Side last night. It was such a great movie. It was one of those that makes you step back and wonder "Would I be willing to do that for someone?" For those of you who don't know about it, it's about a family who takes in an almost adult kid who has really no family (except a drug addicted mom and a brother he hasn't seen for years) and they take him into their home, giving him shelter, clothes, and love. These people did it mainly to brighten the future of someone who pretty much had none. They did everything they could to get him above anything he could have ever accomplished on his own. All I got to say is if I was put in that same situation that I would be willing to do that same thing no matter what was said to me by on lookers. So long story short, SEE THE MOVIE!

What can I really say?

Joe and I at the Work Christmas Party Are whole table from the Christmas Party.

This week has been all over the scale of happiness and sadness. A good friend of mine just found out she's over a month pregnant. Usually this news is celebrated with joyous praises and shouts to the heavens. But I don't really doing either. The things is my friend I brought her into the church probably about a year ago, and she has been seeing this guy for less than 4 months and they have been engaged for more than half of that (I don't ask questions) and now they are expecting a baby. Neither have the means of supporting this child and I fear for the baby and them. So I have a hard time supporting the idea of them keeping the baby when they aren't ready to do it. I think adoption should be an idea they should consider. Because she's a high school drop out and works at a grocery store full time. He just graduated from high school (he's 3 years younger than her) and he hasn't ever had a full time job. I just am worried and don't know what to say.

Joe's work (his military job) had their holiday party on Thursday and it was a lot of fun! We sat a group of people of 3 couples including us and 2 guys. We enjoyed each other company and stuff. It was nice to talk with other people face to face and actually get out of house. The food was really good too! It was a little weird because they had this corn that had salsa in it. It was weird. But it was so much fun! It was also very nice because of the party Joe had off of work on Friday so we actually got a full 3 day weekend together! I guess that's really all that's going on here.

Mine and Joe's New Phones

So I don't know if any of you had a full touch screen phone, but it's freaken Hard!!!! Mine is this pretty color, but Joe's is black. So it's cool because it's a data phone and has the internet and stuff like that! Basically I'm just facebooking almost all the time because that's the only exciding thing I do on the internet, because blogging would just take to long. So we got these free for black Friday (actually got the phones the day before Thanksgiving), but we had to go back to Best Buy on Friday to get the free Blue-tooth head set and 2gb memory card for it (also free). Just a side not! I'm not home sick at all! I have been loving the warmer weather than Wisconsin has been getting. I also enjoy being with Joe. So I'm just happy life is finally becoming awesome again. The end.

Mine and Joe'

GPS

So I have never driven to Oklahoma and I have never driven over 2 hours in a car in one direction by myself before driving down here. So the whole experience was just alittle crazy! So I've been thinking about it. I drove down with a gps and to be honest I don't have any idea how I would be able to have done it without it. So for those who ever haven't used one of these, it doesn't give you a big picture it just goes from turn to turn maybe to not over whelm you or something like that, but what ever the reason I tried to connect it with something else in my life. The Holy Spirit.

It leads you without you truly knowing where you are going, but shows you how to get there and you follow it because you know it's the right thing to do. And if for some reason even though through it's gental voice (actually it can sound like a crazy robot sometimes, but sometimes it's ok) it tells you the way to get back on the right road that you want to be on. So it makes me want to think I need to listen a little harder sometimes. But I try and if I do get lost I know that I will always be able to find my way back to where I need to be.

First week in the apartment

So I got down here on a week ago Saturday, but we didn't actually move into the apartment till Monday, because Joe still had credit to stay in the on base hotel (which was really nice by the way) and the fact that we had to buy an air mattress or something to sleep on and we had to get some other things too.
So on the 21st we actually signed the lease for are apartment and figured since nothing was in it we'd do that move in inspection before we started moving stuff in here. There was actually lot of things that we had to write down. From stains in the carpets to cracks in the tile around the bathtubs. So when that was all said and down we turned it in and started to move the stuff that I did bring in. We also did some shopping and ate out a lot that first week.
So we had laundry to do on like Tuesday so i pulled out the knob on the washer (the one that makes the water start) and it wasn't even attached! It came right off! So we had to go to main office to get that fixed. And the guy had to come back again because he needed to get a part that he didn't have when he first came.
We also had them replace the shower heads with the ones that detach and have a hose that run them, because the shower heads were really low! Like they wouldn't even reach my 5'9 head imagine Joe's 6'4 head! So they had their maintance guy do it and he broke one of the new shower heads! So we are still waiting on that.
They had to replace the lock on the mail box because there was something wrong with it and we couldn't open the box to get are mail. Then on Wednesday of last week I was doing a load of wash (we were able to pull out the little nub of where the dial sits on to still wash are clothes) and after it was done I hear this dripping noise. I go into the bathroom where the washer and drier are and am looking at the washer, because I'm convinced that's what's leaking and I see nothing and the shower and the sink aren't dripping either. I look at the little hot water heater and the little side valve is pouring out water! i'm freaking out because for 1 thing we don't have a big enough container to catch the water (because are stuff is still in wisconsin) and we don't really know who to call. So i make Joe go play with the water and I'm looking at the lease for a mataince number it's a pager number so I call it and start running for the management building they call back before I get the building so they come in a fix it.
But jeez that's in the first week of living here. What else could go wrong?!? I still like the apartment but on base housing keeps sounding better and better to me. At least that stuff is a lot newer than this.
Also, did I mention that every floor has carpet on it? Even the kitchen and the bathrooms. I'll post pictures when we get are stuff, but until then just try to picture it. It's a nice place and I don't mind living here, just can't stand everything breaking all the time!

Looking back the last 2 years.

So today is mine and Joe's 2 year wedding anniversery! I'm so super duper happy. The only sad thing is I was not able to fit his present in the car with all the other stuff that was packed in the car. Never in a million years did I think I was going to be in Oklahoma in this life time. But it's great! I'm really happy to be here and just happy all around. I'm excided to finally have Joe all to myself, without having to be running around this holiday season to like a million different people's houses and several events to be going to. It's just us in a different state. :)
So I would post picutres of the new place, but to be honest there isn't much here. Joe and I have a Chevy Blazer which I had filled to the bring and even got one of those luggage rack bags that stick on the top of the car for just a little more space. It was like 600 pounds of stuff here! (I had to get it weighed to get credit for the move through the military). So there was no room for a bed, no room for a table, no room for a dresser, not even room for hangers!!!! So so far we have boughten a folding table and chairs set, a pot, some baking sheets, a blow up bed, some hand soap, shower cutains, sheets, and serveral meals out!
So the drive down here sucked! I drove strait for like 14 and then some hours to get down here. I left Fondy around 12:30pm and got here around 3:30am. I'm still really surprized that I made it here in a strait shot. I think the only way I was able to do it was the 2 and a half energy drinks that I slammed to stay awake. I'm really happy to be here. Church was filled with very nice people and I felt good to be there, but Joe wasn't able to make it because of the fact that he had like a million things to do before he had to start "work" or whatever you want to call it.
Back to the matter at hand! I'm so happy that I have a temple sealing with the greatest guy I know! I cannot believe the ups and downs and turn arounds that we have had, but always able to get through it and end up stronger in the end. I cannot believe that we had most of this last year apart and to be honest I'm sad that we will never have that time back and am worried about what the next 3 years will bring up with times apart and times together. I love Joe so much and he has tought me the love of movies I wouldn't normal watch (like sc-fi), to love music that makes you want to get up and move (like rock), to enjoy the simple things like a surprize gift of something now and again. But most of all I'm just happy to call him mine. In these uncertain times I'm just happy to have him by my side for all of time!

Sex

So I hope people don't see this as wildly inaproprate, but It's just something I just want to get out there and hope you understand. So I don't know about you guys but lately I have noticed a growing number of younger people having sex. I'm talking about like 14 year old kids having sex! When I was 14 I was just excided to finally be able to go to the youth dances at church. I wasn't really even interested in boys, at least not as a boyfriend. I wanted to wait till I was 16 to even date. Didn't even kiss anyone till I was 16.
Now I'm not saying i'm perfect when it comes to this, but I was able to not be one of these 21 year old girls who have like 3 kids. Yikes that's completely dooming yourself for the rest of your lives.
I think sex is something that should only be used in the bonds of marriage. I think people look at it to lightly. I think people don't always look at the consquences how they really need to be looked at. If you have sex you can have a baby and then you have to choose what is best for the baby (which in my mind is not to kill it) and you. So just don't have sex. I think it says it best in Mean girls in the PE class. If you haven't seen it go watch it.

Just stopen in.

So Joe got in around 3pm on Saturday. We went out to dinner at Applebees with his dad, his brother Mike, and my parents. We then from there went to see a band that was outdoors on Main St. It was pretty cold that night. But we came home and got to relax for the first time all day!
Sunday we went to church and Joe and I both bore are testimonies. It was a great day! My inactive friend Katie who I only have had come to church once before in our 5 year friendship. Katie brought her daughter Shannon who is 9 and they both really enjoyed themselves. I have high hopes that they will keep up this great habbit even if i'm not here to shove them along. The rest of Sunday was spend seeing Joe's family (his mom, Aunt Carol and Uncle Bob) we also went to see his dad.
Monday Joe went to his mom's and I stayed home to try to organize our bedroom (which was completely covered from roof to floor because the room was cramped and was worse because of all the stuff Joe brought with him).
Tuesday we spent a lot of time with Joe's mom, Aunt Lisa, brother Paul, cousin Cody, and cousin Julia. It was supposed to end up a short but we ended up there like 5 hours for a really stupid reason.
Wednesday Joe's cousin Sarah and her husband Clay came into town from New London. We went to dinner and then played some Wii. It was a lot of fun!
Today is boring Joe is down at the recruiters office to do some work. Joe's mom is out of town till Sunday and hopefully we can get some down time next week. Joe's here till Friday the 13th and after that I should be moving hopefully around the 20th at the latest I want to be there on the 23 because the 24th is are 2 year anniversery!

I'm so happy for this weekend!

So Joe's actually coming home hopefully Friday. It could end up Saturday, but it doesn't matter because I get to see my wondeful hubby for like 2 full weeks and I couldn't be more excided!

I remember the Reason

I remember why I stoped writing blogs, because no one seems to look at them unless it says "I'm pregnant" or kids are involved. So I guess I'll just write for me until I get to that point. So no new news on Joe which sucks, because I fear they are going to move back the date of when he needs to be in Oklahoma which means it's going to be longer until I get to see him. I am starting to feel bad about quiting work, but then again I'm not. I'm the happiest I have been in a really long time. I get to focus on me and the things that I need to get done before the time moving really does need to take place.
So recently 2 couples at church have both got engaged. 1 of which are high school sweet hearts and have been together over 2 years (they just graduated in 09) and are planning on getting married possibly in January. They have goten a lot of slack because of the fact that they are young and inexperienced in life. I think what's wrong with experienceing life together. Because I think that sounds wonderful. I am in full support of them because they have both done some true growing up together, like she has joined the church and they have done youth temple trips together and so forth. They are a wonderful couple in my opion and I have been trying to give them as much guidence and tips for wedding and the future as I possibly can.
The other one I am still unsure what to think about. She is a good friend of mine and he's just a funny guy. My friend is 22 and her now fiancee just graduated high school in 09. They've been dating just alittle over a month and are planning engaged. I don't know what to think about it. I love my friend, but honestly what kind of marriage to someone where you got hot and heavy before the real relationship had it's chance to even start? What kind of marriage will they have? I'm worried, but I feel like it's not my place to say anything about it, because I know I wouldn't listen if it was me. The funny this is she poped the question. So I guess that's what I'm dealing with now.

More Pictures

This is what work had put on it's sign outside. Isn't that sweet?

Start in back from left to right. Steve. Me, Mary (secratary). Second row - John (boss), Chad, Clark, and Sue (I will truly miss her.)

The car that I drove around at night for the last 2 and a half years! It's a pt Cruiser. I truly don't like that style of car all because of this, but hey it had a cd player and a sun roof. :)

Couldn't help myself because if you knew Tony this would completely make sence.

Just Tony.

pictures

This is uncle Tony my mom's brother from Portsmith England.

I just finished catching up.

So I just finished catching up on all the blogs that I read. It really took a long time! I haven't really read anyone's blog for like 2 months. I guess I feel off the blog wagen and I am trying to get back on it. I know when I move that it might start again for awhile because I am going to be the person in charge at home (which who knows where that might be).
So for you guys that don't know Joe will be stationed at Oklahoma City, Ok. We aren't sure if we will get into onbase housing or not because Joe can't sign up for it until he leaves Florida. We do know that he will have to be there by November 13th, possibly eariler. Which is awesome to know. He will get 2 weeks to come back here to visit and help me pack up and stuff. So with the math of all that, he'll be here by the end of the month! Which is super duper exciding! I am going to be here just waiting.
So my last day of work was October 15th. Work threw me a pizza party and gave me a hundred dollars. So it was really nice. Everyone signed a card for me and it was just a nice day. So it was a bitter sweet day. It's funny because Friday came and went with no phone calls, but the last 3 days my boss has called me and one of my co-workers has called me 2 about questions. But the thing is my boss should know all this because he had me sit in his office for like an hour one day to sort through all this stuff that he needed to know. I guess it doesn't matter how much you tell someone who doesn't listen and that is one thing i will never ever miss. I will miss my co-workers, but I won't miss the work or my bosses "bad moods" where he explodes at everyone for no real reason from time to time.
So really i'm just here waiting. I am sorting, cleaning, and repacking what isn't already packed. Did I mention August 20th I moved back in with my parents? So I have been living mostly out of boxes since. It really sucks when You are trying to deal with the change of seasons and all your cold stuff is not with you, but in the garage. I have gone cold till I figured out last winter I left my really heavy coat at my parents. :)
So the big picture right now is that when we do move I am going to be a house wife until are place becomes home. Then I'll start looking for a job. We still have hopes the whole family thing will come easy because since we made the choice it's been like 7 months. But we haven't goten the real chance to do anything about it. It's so frustrating. I am happy to be moving on soon and to be doing something different with my life.

Uncle Tony

So my mom's brother was here for 2 weeks in September. I think it was the 15th thru the 29th. Tony is from Portsmith England. He is my mom's half brother and was raised by a nanny over there and has lived there always. He was in the royal navy for over 20 years and loves the fact that Joe is in the navy himself.
Mom likes it when Tony's comes because they eat out all the time and do a lot of shopping. He's an amazingly sweet man. He's like 74 years old and I always worry that this time might be the last time I get to see him. I love my Uncle Tony! Maybe I can get some money to go to England, but I doubt I'll have any of that money any time soon. I will have to add photos later because my camera just died and I didn't put my photos on the computer yet.

I am so far behind.

So I haven't been on her in serveral months. I have all these blogs to catch up on and that stuff will have to wait for another day. So just an update for everyone. Joe found out his military station yesterday, so we are going to be at Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma City, OK. It's really funny because Joe's not in the Air Force, but in fact in the Navy, but I guess as long as he gets to do the Job he was trained for that's all that matters.
Besides that I am done with work on the 15th and then I'm going to just be working on getting organized once again and getting rid of more crap so that I can move easily and so on. I am hoping to be moving around the beginning of next month! But I will miss Fondy, I know a lot of people my age hate it around here, but I am not that way. I really have liked it here, this will probably always be home to me.

Florida Part 2

I know it's been awhile, but someone kindly reminded me to finish this.
So on Saturday we got some lunch on base and went swimming in the Gulf of Mexico! We weren't out there to long, because it was just to hot. I think we were out there for like an hour, maybe an hour and a half. I just liked walking the beach with Joe. That was the best part of it! We then met up with my brother Justin (yes he's down there too for the navy) around we all took a taxi out to the theater and since Transformers wasn't starting for another couple of hours we made our way to the mall. We walled the mall for awhile and then made our way to the theater to go see Transformers. Will all the walking I was super tired during the movie, but I still really really liked the movie. I cannot say which one I like the most, because I would have to re watch both of them back to back. So we then went back to base after the movie and we went our separate ways. Joe and myself watched a movie in our room. We watched the movie Knowing and Push, which we both fell asleep during Push, not because it was boring, but because we were tired.
So the next day we got up and ready for church, but it's of course down poring out! So we go to sign Justin out of his barracks (if you are going to be gone for over 3 hours you need someone to sign you out of the barracks) and we all got soaked making our way over to the chow hall. We went to the chow hall because that's where you can get picked up if anyone is going to give rides ( they don't always give out rides). So we are all standing there and this white jeep comes up and rolls down the window and is waving at us (but there are quite a few of us hanging out here) and I ask them if they know who it is and they both say no. So she waves at us a couple more times and then the missionaries call Justin and tell him that the person waving at us is our ride. LOL! So Joe goes up front and I sit in back with Justin.
Church was in this other church's building. I have no idea what kind, but the chapel was big and had stain glass and all that. So after sacrament meeting we go through what they call a donut room (a room where you actually can get donuts to eat during Sunday School) so we all get some donuts and make our way to class. So the visitors had to introduce themselves. So I go first and talk about how I'm Joe's wife and how we are from Wisconsin and stuff, but I completely forgot to mention I was Justin's sister. After words I felt really bad, but I'm just used to everyone knowing that we are siblings, but that's not how it was here. So I mentioned it in Relief Society and everyone was "Oh, isn't that funny that they are both here" which it is really funny!
After church a lot of us went over to the Missionaries apartment. The missionaries are a retired couple from Utah and they made a huge meal for all of us. It was so nice to talk with everyone. I was surprised that there was a lot of married guys without wives there. So I guess it made me feel better that Justin and Joe weren't alone in that fact.
So the rest of day was just spent together and enjoying each other's company. We did some walking of the beach and base, watched the rest of Push, and just relaxed indoors. While watching the movie we ordered pizza and worked on my laundry. That night Joe had to sleep in the barracks. So I was alone in the hotel room.
Monday I woke up early to get packing. I had to be out of the room by noon. When Joe had lunch he came by for alittle bit. So I left my stuff in the hotel and walked around outside for the next 2 hours. I actually had alittle bit of a tan because of this day. I did some reading and just enjoyed the beach. So I took some pictures of the Gulf and was just pondering my whole trip. Around 3 Joe and myself had 45 minutes to just talk before I left. I really had a lot of fun this trip. I'm getting used to leaving without Joe. I didn't cry at all this time. I'm actually very happy at that fact because the last 2 times (when he left home and his graduation weekend) I bawled like crazy.
It's pretty late, but I promise to post the pictures before the end of the week.
Another thing I competely forgot about!!!
So the second day I was there (Friday) I was just waiting for Joe to get his liberty call (that's when you know you can leave the barracks) in the hotel and the tolet won't flush. It wouldn't do anything at all! So I go down to the front deck and I tell them this and they tell me they will send up the matiance guy. So this guy comes up and he starts going to work. He then can't get it to anything so he calls someone else in the building to find out that they had turned off the water because of a plumming problem somewhere else in the buidling. The problem was the women i talked at the front deck and the matiance guy both just started their shift. So he tells me once the water comes back on he'll be back to check it. So he comes back (it actually flushed on it's own while he was gone) and he does a couple things and says it's all fixed. So get this! It was leaking from that day one. So the next morning (Saturday) the floor is all wet and I see the pipes dripping. So Joe and msyelf tell the front desk on our way out. So we figured it will be fixed. It still wasn't. So the next day (Sunday) the cleaning people must have said something about it because someone else came in to check it out. I'm not sure if it was still leaking Monday or not, but that's a little rediculus. So I got a servay when I got home from the hotel and I talked about the plumming stuff. And get this! They are going to refund me the cost of my whole stay. So I'm just waiting for my check for $188. So that's pretty cool! But there could have been more stuff I could have talked about on that survey, like the fact that I was supposed to have a couch and I didn't have one!

Florida part 1

So I don't have enough motivation to write this all out right now so it's just going to be in parts. So I left 16th from Milwaukee airport at 5:45 am. I didn't get to go to sleep the night before because I had left all my packing for when I got home from work which was like 10pm. So my friend Cassandra took me and her brother (who was leaving like 2 hours after I did from the same airport) Cory. We all went out to breakfast and it was good.
So I got into Pensacola around 10:00am and got onto the base about a half hour later. There were some people from church who came to pick me up and they were so nice! So I got like the whole day on base. So I got to the base and Joe was waiting for me because he was still on lunch and we tried to check me into the hotel, but the room wasn't ready. So he told me where to get some food and he was going to meet me there in alittle bit. So when we met up I got some lunch and then we were able to check me into the hotel. I was able to get in a nap while Joe finished up with his class or whatever he was doing.
After Joe was done we walked the beach and did a little more walking around the base. It was just so nice to just spend time with him. So I got to get some sleep that night which was so nice, because I only had like 9 hours of sleep for like 3 days and I was tired.
Friday Joe and I met up again for lunch and when he was done we decided to go out to the mall side of town. So we got a cap and went mall in Pensacola (which was pretty darn big) and we decided we wanted wanted to go see a movie. We walked from the mall to the theater (which wasn't that far from the mall) and we saw Harry Potter. We both really liked it. We went to a restaurant after called Logan's Steak House. Kind of like a Texas Roadhouse. It was really good. We then went back to the base in a cap and got to split the fair with another military couple. So we went home and got some sleep for the night.
I think that's good enough for right now.

The Holy Spirit

It's already about quarter after 4 in the morning, but I have been thinking about this the last couple of days and if I don't write it now, it's going to have to wait some more. So there are many things that have brought those amazing feelings of the spirit into my life. I guess I just want to talk about them. I guess one of the first things there really was was Joe. I was only 16 when we started dating. Even though so many wrongs were made, I always knew there was a reason that I still needed him there. I had never prayed about marring him, because I already knew that it was meant to be.
But when we got sealed in the temple I really really knew. This man had been my all already for 5 years and having him able to take me to the temple was the best thing ever. I knew and still know with all my heart that Joseph Roberts was meant for me. Through all the wrongs we must have been doing something right, because here we now sit with are temple covenants and active members of the church.
One of the first times that we ever really had a firm answer to a prayer was when we fasted and prayed about Joe joining the service. At the time we didn't know which branch of service, but we prayed about it. Holy crap no one could have shaken the positive yes that we had felt. We knew without a doubt that Joe was supposed to be doing this. At the time I really didn't know what we were getting into, but the Lord knows all and I will not doubt him.
While Joe was in boot camp I really started to get "baby fever" and wanted to know it this was meant to be. So I just prayed about it. I had this overwhelming calming sensation. It was an amazing feeling, but then when I had told Joe about it and we started really thinking about it I freaked out. I think I freaked people out with my blogs that involved me freaking out. I got scared that if I didn't try this even though I had gotten an answer that I was doing wrong. But I am past that and Joe and I are back to wanting a baby. We are excited and have are fingers crossed for next weekend! I'm so excited to see him!

4th Of July

So I was thinking about the 4th the last couple of days. This 4th of July would be mine and Joe's 5th one together and he's not here. We would always take his motorcyle down to Lake Side Park and we would weave ourselves out of the park which was awesome because we'd get home in no time. But having Joe here for the 4th has made some of the greatest memories I have of the holiday. We would sometimes buy fireworks, like last year we light fire works off with the missionaries. LOL!
But I am going to be honest one of my favorite 4th Of July memories involves Kate and myself. We were probably teenagers and we just biked to the park (not that far and then you don't have to wait in traffic), so we are looking for a place to camp when we see the Prellwitzs (a family from church) so we sit with them. They had those plastic tube popcycles and it was so good. It was nice and fun. I guess it's just cool to have something that you didn't expect and it turns out fun!
So in celebration with the 4th this year Joe sent me a beautiful thing of flowers. He's such an amazing husband. Happy 4th to everyone!

I want to write, but don't know what to say

So anyone who has been in a long distance relationship for one reason or another will kind of know where this is coming from. So there is only so much you can be saying on the phone or only so many thing you can say while chatting online. I am meeting that breaking point. Joe has never been one for words, we would do stuff together instead of just sitting around and talk. So the whole talking this has really been getting at me lately. I am not one for words myself. They either don't come at all or they come in big bursts. So when I actually get the big burst feeling of things I would like to tell Joe it never works. Either he's busy, in a room full of really loud guys, or he's falling asleep because it's his bed time. Then I get discouraged and then nothing really never gets said. I'm just glad to see him. The next 3 weeks cannot pass fast enough. I just want to get out of here for a little bit.

Taking Stock of Life

So today I was looking at some wedding pictures and to be honest it made me think back. I know your probably thinking I have only been married a little over a little a year and half, but my journey with Joe starts more than just a couple of years before we said are "I do's."

Joe and I started dating November 14, 2003. I was only 16 and he was 17. I was dealing with some serious personal issues (depression) when Joe came along and I always thought he was my guardian angel to be able to bring me out of the bad I was dealing with. Before Joe I was a pretty straight flier when it came to life and church standards. Joe and myself caused a lot of trials for ourselves, but looking back I think we were supposed to hit those big stumbling blocks to realise what we really wanted. All I ever wanted from him was to join the church. That was one of the biggest trials we went through. He didn't want to join and we would have screaming matches over it sometimes. One day he decided it was time. He was 20 when he started the lessons and was 21 when he got baptised.

Funny story on Joe's 21st birthday I did an Easter egg hunt for him for him. In the Easter eggs where puzzle pieces that when he put them together it said "will you marry me Joe????" Of course he said yes. We were married roughly 7 months later, but only planed it 2 and a half months before we walked down the aisle. We had a civil marriage for a couple of reasons the biggest one was that Joe was not a member for a year when we got married. We were married November 24, 2007. Exactly 4 years and 10 days after we started dating.

So Marriage has been my greatest blessing. There is nothing like sharing your body and soul with another person who you love so much. I love that man more and more. I would love him more if I could see once in awhile. LOL! He has been my strength, my guidance, and my inspiration when things are just going all wrong.

In church I have been in the Primary for over a year now. I teach the sun beams/ctr 5's. These are great kids. The size of the class has fluctuated a lot in that last year. I think there was like 8 or 9 in there when I first got called. Then there was around 12 for a little while. Now we are at 9 of the usual people. When I first got called I thought the class with my sister-in-law Andrea and then after she left is when they actually split the class into two different classes for a little while and then when that teacher left I got the whole group! I have had a rather large group (anywhere for like 6 to 12) by myself for over 6 months now. This last Sunday they assigned another teacher for the class. I am excited. Granted this women has a kid in my class and a couple other in older groups in primary, but it's nice to have an adult to be around closely when you are in primary. This calling has been my greatest blessing. I love how happy kids can get over a simple coloring project. I also love this kids and will be sad when it comes time to leave.

So to be honest I am very nervous about moving. I have never lived out of state before. I am also very nervous about being pregnant away from home. I have almost this over whelming fear of having Joe on a ship when I go into labor. Granted if that happened that would be steps to be taken before that point, but it really just freaks me out. I am also kind of freaked out by the idea of possibly being in a huge ward that I will be easily over looked. I love getting my home teachers and visiting teachers over. That is some of my most favorite stuff. I have had good ones and bad ones. I just need to be noticed, and a huge ward doesn't seem to offer that for me.

I guess looking to the future (though I probably will revisit this in a later blog) I am excited, scared, and nervous about what the future holds. I have no doubt that the choices we have made are right. We have prayed a lot about the choices of the navy and children. Sometimes things don't make sense to us now, but I know it's the right thing to do. Who knows where life will take us next, but as long as I have the spirit and Joe with me I know I can do anything!

Tell No One

So I know it's pretty late, but I just got done watching a foreign film. I am pretty sure it was french, but I watched it dubbed. Holy crap it was one of the craziest movies I have ever seem. Granted it is pretty graphic, and it wasn't rated, it would be on the border of a pg-13 and a R. But pretty much to give a summary you have a happy couple that are on vacation at the lake where the man is knocked out and his wife is killed. His wife is dead and barred for 8 years, but then he starts getting these e-mails 8 years later from his "wife" and it makes you wonder if the police are setting him up is the huge crime or if he is going crazy. So with all the twist and turns that you have to pay close attention to, it's so worth it! It was crazy! I have no idea who could make a movie like that, it must be those crazy foreigners. But honestly you want a movie that really keeps you interested in for the next turn of events this is definitely one you should look into. It was all over the place, but then it wraps up nicely like a perfect present on Christmas day. I guess I should stop writing and go to bed. Awesome movie though! At the end you are filled with joy, shock, and wonder. Amazing movie!!!!

Swimming Alone

So yesterday I decided early (like 10 in the morning early) that I wanted to go swimming. Joe thought that was a great idea as he himself was walking the beach of the gulf of Mexico. So there is a little water park here in town that I have never been to since they made it like 4 or 5 years ago. So I decided that is where I wanted to go. I did end up going alone, because I am sick of calling a bunch of people who don't pick up or want to do anything. So I didn't call anyone and just went myself. Silly me thought it was a good idea to not wear sun screen and do some tanning while i was there. Both ended up in a horrible disaster. You can see the entire outline of my swim suite with the contrast between white and bright red.
So shortly after swimming a went to a grad party for someone from church. It was a lot of fun because there was a nice turn out of church people that made it. So the burn was starting to start even before it got there. But the thing that kind of bothered me was that some people thought it was pedifilish to go to a water park by yourself that was filled with little kids. But to be honest when I got there, there really wasn't that many people there. I guess adults (like parents age) thought it was just fine I went, but said if I was a guy that would be weird. So all I know that I did have fun except for the burn.
Apparently people who saw me at the grad party didn't think i looked that burned, but today at church everyone seemed to notice. Everyone commented on it and it was annoying. I know I'm burnt so why say anything? So at church they put another teacher into my class again. I have been teaching alone probably since around Novemberish of 08. So my class has gotten pretty big again. There is on average 8 kids and if the other kids that periodically show up come it's closer to 12. So it can be a lot to handle when your that out numbered by little kids that just want to talk to each other. So I'm really happy. She's a really nice lady, new family in the branch. One of her kids is in the class and her child is named Bailey. I really like her. I'm excited!

The voice

So I cannot begin to understand how hearing the wrong tone of voice makes me upset. Like someone will say something they think is funny and it will send me in this horrible uproar of bad emotions. I am way to sensitive for my own good. On the bright side lately things seem to have a silver lining. My mother-in-law and I have made peace, but now she seems to want me to come over and see her and my father-in-law all the time. Cripes! I have a life and I don't want to see Joe's parents more than I see my own. Most weeks I see my mom at church on Sunday and that's about it.
So Joe and I had an argument over the phone yesterday. It really was no big deal and I probably was over reacting, but something set me off. I was in tears in a flash and then a black cloud of doubt swirled around me for awhile. It really sucks when that happens. But then Joe and I usually don't talk over things well when we are apart, because he didn't know something upset me without seeing the look on my face and I am to embarrassed to bring it up again in fear that I will feel bad again.
But something also awesome happened yesterday. There is an amazing artist from church that I have known for many of years. We had started a painting together like 2 years ago or maybe even closer to 3, not sure. But I called him yesterday to try to figure out what on earth it would take for him to finish it so I could have it. Then he tells me he should have it done by the middle of the month next month! I'm so freaken excited! The painting looked good have finished. I cannot wait to see what it will look like when it's all done!
So lately I have really been thinking a lot. The world around me really set up my mood or tear me down. Sometimes I just wish I could hop on a plane and just see Joe for one night. I guess I have never been so far away and see him for that brief weekend after boot camp doesn't feel like much of anything most times. I guess I just don't know what to do with myself. I need to feel him next to me most of the time to feel comfortable, and since I don't get that luxury I am often feeling lonely and depressed. I have some good friends who call regularly and see how I am doing. Just wish I did more doing that talking though. Most of the friends that call are out of state, so that doesn't make my social calender any fuller! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!

Wife for Hire

So I took some peoples advice and went to the library and checked out some books. I don't know the last time I was at the library for a book, the company I work for cleans there so that's usually what I'm doing there. It was funny because I was sure my account would not be good anymore, but it was still open and I even had a dollar fine. HAHA!
So any who I got 5 books and yesterday (when I got the books) I actually read one in full. It's called Wife For Hire by Marilyn Shank. It was such a cute book. It's a romance book that never turned steamy (that goodness). What it did offer was morals and how a simplest of touches can make your heart skip a beat, or how a simple kiss can melt your heart.
So basically it's about a man named Clayborn Forrester who loves his family more than anything. His dad is in failing health and his dad ever wanted for his kids were to be as happily married as him and his mom. So Clay hires an actress named Gabriella Gibson to play his pretend wife.
Of course Clay is the drop dead sexy rancher and Gaby is the beautiful acting teacher. They are fighting attraction the whole story and it's cute. Some parts made me giggle loudly because of just how cute it was. So in a turn of events things go horribly wrong, but they some how work themselves out for one of the cutest endings in a book I have seen in a long time.

crazy thing keep happening

So on Tuesday there was a drive by shooting by the geto gas in fond du lac! A DRIVE BY in fondy? Who on earth would have thought of that. How bad has this city become? So there's that and a friend of mine who got married really close to me told me she's getting divoriced. I hate divorice. It makes me feel uneasy about my own marriage and I know it shouldn't but it does. It makes me wonder if other people can't make it what makes me special. Granted I do have the church which helps a lot and being sealed is another, but it still makes me sad. I guess I shouldn't worry about it because Joe is still the single most important thing to me and I love him so very much beyound what I thought I could love a single person. THE END!

This is going to be random.

So there are a lot of things on my mind right now, but I don't know how to organize them. So I have been thinking a lot lately why so many people like the twlight saga. Most of the girls I talk about it to (I only know to guys to have read it) love it. So I was thinking why do so many girls like it when I didn't really care for it, so I have made some groups of why these girls like it so much.
There are the "moms" the women who have been married quite awhile and have several kids (more than just 1) and they see the romance story in the book and they want it back in their lives. I am not saying they are unhappy with their marriages, but miss the flirty sexy appeal of when they first got married.
There are the "women living in hurt" these are the women who are divoriced, or have had a really serious realationship end. They miss the times of being with someone and see this book as maybe a thing that one day will happen to them again.
There are the women "who are to young to know better" who are still in high school and have these high hopes of maybe landing this amazing guy like Edward or even Jacob and living happily ever after.
I don't fall into any of these, so I think that's why I don't like the book. HEHE!
So lately I have been having this really hard time with Joe being gone. All I want to do is sleep. Work has become hard (not like hard physically but mentally) and I just don't want to be there. Also, I just feel like I don't know what to talk to Joe about on the phone. It really puts a damper on things when you don't even know what to talk to your husband who you have been with for the last 5 and a half years. It really sucks, so nothing really gets said most of the time and today I freaked out. I made myself an emotional wreck with just all these stuid thoughts and then I picked a fight with Joe over them. Joe being such a great guy just took it. He tired to figure out what is bothering me, but all I really want is just him. I have no idea what I am going to do with the next 4 years. I hope that I can have been distractions. Hopefully I will have a job that I acutally like and not just stuck at because I can't find anything better.
Thanks all who made comments on my last post. I hope I can do something different that will give me new light. I need something that's for sure.

Man I am going to die of boardem!

So really I just need something to do to distract me till Joe calls me back for the last time tonight before he goes to bed. I can honestly say my time lately has been just horrible. My apartment is messy (which you would think with only one person it should be clean right), there is piles of stuff to go through, there are things that need to be sorted (like those boxes that never got unpacked when we moved here), and there is probably like a million other things to be done. But you know what I have been doing? Nothing! I watch movies and play on the computer. I go out with friends from time to time, but that usually involves money (because Fondy is so gay) because I like to eat lunch. I also do go to one friend's house from time to time and we just end up watching movies and he's been sick so and out of town recently so that leaves me again home.
I have been reading a lot lately. Anything from planning pregnancy to this book about changing your life around. I guess I will pretty much read anything that seems slightly appealing, because there is nothing else out there for me to do. Well, I could clean. LOL!

Scary Movie!

So I keep watching these scary movies! I guess I am just dumb and don't learn well. The one I watched tonight wasn't half as bad as the other one I watched.
Tonight I watch Prom Night. I always wanted to see it, because it's suppose to be one of the greatest nights of your high school like, but the idea of it become a horrible night full of murder and following a killer totally caught my attention. Joe probably wouldn't have watched it with me, so I had to get it after he was gone.
But the other one I watched was Quarantine. That movie wasn't very good acting wise and stuff, but it was crazy scary! I totally played off those bad emotions and made me freak out. I was scared to be in a dark room, so I had to turn the light on right after I turned off the I just turned off as I made my way to my bedroom.
Another movie that I watched was a movie called Let the Right one In. It was a foreign film about vampires. It wasn't all that scary, just incredibly creepy. It was about a 12 year old girl vampire who most of the movie is covered in the blood of people that she had killed. She falls for a human 12 year old boy and they end up running away together. I heard about it from an article that I read about different vampire movies and it was on the list. Any who. Maybe I will have to get some funny movies off my netflix so that i don't have to be freaked out anymore. LOL!

Sigh!

So today is 3 weeks since I last got to see Joe. It doesn't even really feel like I saw him then. The time feels like it's just being added all the way back to March 23rd when I last saw him here in town. I don't know what to do. There is so much that I miss that I don't know what to do with myself.
Joe is not a big phone talker and it's almost painful to look back at our conversations. He is like never alone. He is usually in a room that seems to be full or at least a couple of people that have people being really loud in the back ground. It bothers me to have to yell to talk to him. The more time on we are talking on the phone, there are less and less things to talk about. I keep felling almost hurt that nothing really ever gets said. I don't know what to do. We don't have kids to talk about and we don't really lead exciting lives at the moment.
We have figured out some video chatting, but even that is not the same. We mostly will send photos over the phone to each other or just texts words of love to each other. I miss the intimacy that you have when someone is in the same room. I miss him physically being here. We are toying with the idea of me going out to see him, but it's going to be really expensive and we are trying so badly to cut debt. So i don't even know what to do, because I just miss him so much that I would give almost anything to just see him tomorrow.
I really am going alittle crazy. I feel like the time I need someone to stretch a hand of friendship the most is now and no one is there. I tried to get some people to go see a movie with me, and 3 people out of a lot said they would go and only 1 actually did come. What the heck is up with that? I guess it just bothers me that no one seems to think of this more than just me being sad. My soul mate is like 800 miles away and the people who said they would be here to distract me aren't here and I am the one who has to pay for it! The things that help me cope is cleaning, sleeping, and just wondering around stores. Because really I spend like 90% of my free time (while not at work) alone. I just sit here in this apartment alone and mostly sit on the computer to feel like I am somewhere else. I am not coping well, but I don't know what else to do. Joe I miss you!

A couple things I remembered

So church on base was one of the loudest sacraments I have ever been in besides those huge family wards in Utah. It seemed like everyone was sick and actually probably was. I mean everyone was sneezing, coughing, and sniffling. It was crazy. But you need to realise that these people don't really sleep and are worked to the bone so it made sense for them to be that way, but you had to feel sorry for them. Jeez I wanted to make them all take a nap and give them medicine! But still it was one of the most spiritual sacraments I had been in for a long time.

Joe's weekend Graduation

So if I don't blog about this soon I am never going to get to it I'm afraid. So last weekend May 15 thru the 18th was Joe's graduation weekend. I stayed at a hotel called the Red Carpet Inn which was like 1 mile away from the base so it was amazingly close. I was there Thursday night thru Sunday morning.
Basically I worked half a night (not even only 3 hours) on Thursday and then made the drive to Great Lakes, IL to my hotel. I arrived there around 11 and made a call to both of our parents to let them know I was alright. It really was only like a 2 hour drive which was also very nice and short. So I unpacked some things and figured out what I was going to wear the next morning and climbed into bed probably around 11:30. I didn't feel tired so I turned on the T.V. (tv is a treat to me because I haven't had cable for like 4 months now) and just watched True tv because that's what channel it was on. So I watched two episodes of speeders and it was like 12:30 and I was thinking that I was sup post to be getting up around 5:30 to be ready by the time Joe's parents showed up for us all to go together. So I turned off the tv and lied there for a really long time. I would guess close to a half hour of just adjusting and readjusting myself to sleepy. So I finally fall asleep and around 2:30 I awake to the sound of luggage wheels rolling on the sidewalk outside of my hotel room. So I was awake the rest of the night. I just read and didn't feel tired at all, it was bad!
So the next morning (Friday) I think I got out of bed (mind you only getting like an hour and a half of sleep) around 5:20 and showering and getting ready for the graduation. So the free breakfast started at 6 which I had a donut and juice because that's all their free breakfast consisted of. So after I was ready and ate my donut I just waited for Joe's parents and Joe's nephew Brok who showed up around 8:00 and we headed over to the base.
The ceremony started at 9:00 which they had the naval band play, and the choir sing, and the flag people do their thing. So it was fun to watch and listen. They also played a little video that showed of some of the stuff they had to go thru like the gas chamber and how they folded their clothes. So the ceremony only went till 10:30 and there was this big rush of people trying to get out to see their recruit. So I got separated from my party and all the recruits looked the same! I just looked for tall ones and that didn't help. I saw Joe's nephew Brok and Joe's dad and followed them. Joe was so handsome! He lifted me off the ground with a great big hug and a kiss! It was so cute!
After Joe reported for guard (which they let him go right away, but still had to report) we wondered around the NEX which is a military store that has everything from sanitary needs to watches to t shirts that you'd send to your family. So after we had all got what we wanted we went looking for somewhere to eat. That was fun! Not really! Joe's mom seemed to know where we were going but not really. She had me go off some exit and then make several turns and then every place that looked good (even though Joe was sup post to be picking a place) wasn't good enough or to fancy. So we ended up at this Italian place that was kinda pricey, but I didn't care. Joe and I were snuggled up close in the booth and nothing else seemed to matter. Even when Joe's mom had told Joe of last weeks events (which was the big story of the previous Saturday night) things seemed good. Plus it was so cute how Joe and I couldn't help but be super cuddly! I love it!
After eatting we went back to the hotel and Joe's family left and Joe and I got some alone time. That's all I need to say about that! I had to have Joe back at the base by 8 so we left around 7:15 because even though I was really close he had to change out of his dress whites (the uniform he was wearing) into something else before he could report back in. After dropping him off I decided that I wanted to find some food so I go wondering and end up by six flags and get some Quezon's where Joe's dad calls me and tells me Joe's mom went off at Brok and now he was trying to get my to drive 2 hours round trip to go get Brok so he can come stay with me. I told him I had to think about that (I am very directionally challenged and didn't want to get lost going to look for this place plus I didn't want to do it) and he told me that was fine so I start eatting my food and he calls me again telling me that he will bring Brok to me and I said that fine. So Brok is like 16 and he was very upset when he got to the hotel. There wasn't a pool or anything I could tempt him with so I just set him on the wifi and my laptop and pretty much watched a little tv and around 10:00 I was done for and fell asleep.
I didn't hear my alarm clock go off but thankfully Joe had called me around 7:45 and said it was ok for me to come pick him up. I went to get him in my pjs and brought him back to the hotel. We had two friends Nate and Jeremy coming down from Fond du Lac to go to six flags with us. So we went to the Gurney Mills mall to wait for them. We got there like 9:45 and only 1 store was open. It was bed bath and beyond so we wondered around there. We ended up running into Walter who is a guy Joe met the day he left Fondy and they went to basic at the same time, but weren't in the same division so they didn't see each other but a couple times. So that was cool. So we went the arcade and Jeremy called and said he was there so we went outside and waited for them. I had accidentally told them the wrong exit and we didn't meet up till around 11 and then we went to six flags.
We get to six flags and it's packed. The bright side is that we only paid $26 a ticket thanks to a promotion we found online. We road Superman, some weird one that was an indoor coaster and American Eagle and decided to go see Start Trek in the IMax and left. So we went to Steak and Shake for lunch and found out the IMax theater was an hour away. So we thought we should have gotten are hands stamped so we could have gotten back in six flags, but none of us had. So then we decide to go back to Gurney Mills mall and just watch it in their theater. So it was an ok movie. We had Jeremy and Nate take Brok back to town and Joe and I had some more alone time. I had to get him back by 7 that night.
So Sunday morning I get up around 5:30 because church starts at 7 on base and Joe told me to get there early. So i get to the base around 6:50 and they tell me they aren't letting people onto the base till 7. So i find a parking lot and just wait till 7 to get back. So when I get to the base there is a small line of cars and then when I get to the chapel (all the Churches met in the same building just had different rooms for each denomination) I can't find Joe. The guy at the door pretty much tells me that I should just wait for Joe. So I'm waiting and it's like 7:15 and I start getting nervous, mind you I am in like a strapy sandal high heel shoe and a knee length dress when everyone else is in uniform so I feel really out of place. So someone else comes up to me and ask me what church I am looking for and helps me find it. I was there right at the same time. I guess they use the first 15 minutes to do some kind of opening thing so I didn't miss anything. So they started with relief society which consisted of 2 solders and a teacher a member missionary. So it was small! So it was nice though. I didn't say anything unless if asked to because I didn't want to take anything away from the 2 solders. I read whatever I was asked to read and that was that.
Sacrament meeting was also pretty small. I bet there was less than 50 people there. One of the solders from relief society her name was Bishop (last name) and she was super nice. She said she could wear a dress and makeup like I was. She was great and kept me occupied till the boys came in. Joe passed the sacrament (the bread was kinda hard and the water was in those paper cups which always taste bad) with 3 other guys. It was nice to see him passing because he didn't get to do it much at home. There were 3 talks and they were all really uplifting. I really enjoyed it.
After church we went to the hotel so I could change my clothes and we set off to find something to eat. We found an Olive Garden in Gurney and are waitress was nice enough to take a picture of us outside in front of the restaurant. We wondered around the mall again just talking. We found and Internet cafe and did that for a half an hour. We then went to the hotel to pack up my stuff and we set off again. We found a park and Joe make some phone calls to friends and family. We also just talked. We also wondered around the base for alittle bit. It was nice to just be the two of us, but it also meant that it was are last day together. So when the mighty clock got close to 8 I started to get nervous. I didn't want him to go. But he had to. He was so nice! I told him how much that I love him and it felt so good to say it because I didn't say it last time that we departed. He then walked off back to his barracks and I drove away. I miss him a lot!
I have never loved him more or been more proud of him!

As the signs of love fade.

As the signs of love fade you go back to where you were inishally. I don't like where I was inshally. As the fresh memories start to blur around the edges you start to wonder what exactly was real and just a wish. I want to keep those memories. As every passing day come and goes you are once again aware that you are alone. People keep living their lives and probably don't think about you even if you have them in your own thoughts. People can really suck sometimes. But as the time goes on you are once again reminded that you are getting older and some things will never be the same that they had been at one point.
So my dilema is that even if I prayed for something and now I don't know if I want it. Is it bad to not do something that you had gotten a "yes" answer to? Is that like denying the spirit when you don't follow the promtings that you had received through prayer? Because that's something I don't want, I just don't know if I still feel the same way I did about a situation that I did a month ago. WHAT DO I DO? I guess right now I will just keep thinking about it.

Huh! I don't what I keep doing wrong!

So this last month has been really ruff on me. I have had some major in-law issues that caused me to stop talking calls in fear of being moved to tears from a few mean phrases. So that's been wonderfully horrible for me.
Also, like 3 sundays ago I went to Green Bay with 4 other church members to go see the Papinga's (he's a football player for the packers and a member of the church) and they gave a fireside about dating and relationships. I know it was for single adults, but i had nothing better to do and I offered my car to take it down. So it was nice to see what their views on dating were, but they were completely against dating in high school, which kinda offened me, but everything else they said was really good. It kind of sucked that we came in like 30 minutes late and had to go sit in the front row. We got a little lost getting there. So over all that was a nice exsperience, but coming home everything went all wrong.
So we couldn't find 41 South to head back to home, so we saw the sign for a back highway 151, so we figured as long as we knew where we were going that's all that mattered. So we didn't leave the fireside till after 9:15 or possibly a little later. So heading back on 151 we started hearing this really strange noise around 10ish and so we had to pull over to chech it out.
My brand new tired (well they were less than a month old) was completely flat! So Joey Prelwitz goes into total guy mode and gets all the stuff out to change the tire. So then when he got all that done we couldn't get the spair tire to drop from underneath the truck. I don't know if you have ever seen this, but there is a spair tire that sits underneath some cars and not inside of them and that's what the case is for my blazer. So the relase was stripped so we couldn't get a good enough grip to get it to drop, so we started to make calls. I called my mom not knowing what to do. Joey got the idea to call Brydon O'Hara from church, because he's a big car guy. So he called him and Brydon gave us a couple things to try, like having someone under the car to just try to pull the tire loose. Well that did nothing except make Joey all muddy. So we also had a guy stop and try to help us road side and we tired to cut the cable that holded the tire and that didn't work, because the cable was a little stronger than what we had.
Then we call Brydon again and he agrees to come out to us and try to help. He brought a spair tire and it was around 11:40 when he showed up. So we got to sit in the car waiting for him for about an hour. We were talking about all the scary movies that happen when you are in that kind of situaion, stranded on the side of the road. We should have tried to sleep, because we had 3 high school students and one who had to work at 5 in the morning. But it was nice to talk to eachother. Steven Feustel kept putting his head out the window, so I kept having to put the window lock on because I was afraid he was going to get his head hit by a passing car. The highway had like zero traffic, i think the whole time we were out there, there was less than 12 cars that passed by us. Did I also mention that is was raining and cold? It sucked!
So Brydon showed up around 11:40 and his spair that he brought didn't fit and he had that same goofy tired thing on his mini van and his fire would not drop down. So we made a trip to the local walmart in Chilton, which was about 7 miles away from where we were. The time was now a little after midnight, so it wasn't really sunday anymore, so we loaded up on soda and chips and stuff. I wish i would have bought some food, I just a soda and Sam Preter gave me some chips and Cassandra Sprague gave me some of her milk duds. Nothing like that to take away the hunger. So we got the patch stuff and headed back to the tired. We all waited in the mini van as Joey and Bradon worked on patching the tire.
So they got the tire patched and Sam and Joey wanted to ride back to town with me and Cassandra and Steven were going to stay in the van with Brydon. So once I got into the drivers side to try to turn the car on, the battery was dead! I always forget this part! So when Brydon showed up and he was working on the tire, the power locks kept locking themselves. While was waited for him, we had problems with the locks, because I kept trying to unlock the door after it was locked and nothing happened. Like i said we were talking about scary stories, so we locked the door when we got in, but we couldn't get them to unlock, because I think we wanted to get something from the back. So that was strange! So they were going crazy and my doom light kept going off and on also along with the locks!
So Brydon didn't have jumper cables so we went back to Walmart! We all sat in the car this time, but Brydon and Joey went in together. So we get that and get back to the car, it's probably now around 1:40, and of course my hood latch was broken, so you couldn't pop the hood. So then we called info and Brydon posed as Joe and said in a message for the police department that we would come back tomorrow to get it. So we figured problem solved.
So I get home around 2:30 and around 3 o'clock the Wapauka police department call me and tell me they never got the message, but also that the truck was to close to the road and was a road hazard and I had 2 hours to move it or they were going to tow it themselves. I was afraid it would get impounded or something like that. So the lady said I could make a few phone calls and I could get back to her. So I had Joe's dad call me because the police department called them first (I think it's because his licence address is still his parents) and he just wanted to make sure I was alright. I told him a quick story and then called my mom to ask her about towing stuff. I was really freaking out mind you, I have never had this many things go wrong in a day.
So I end up calling the police department and they reffered me to someone, so I called Scott's towing in Chilton and they got it for me and the I went to sleep after I wrote a letter to Joe about it and then the police department called again around 4:40 to make sure I had the car moved.
The next day was an early one trying to get out there to get the car from the towing place and get it to the shop. On the bright side I didn't have to pay for the tire replacement, because I had insurance on it and towing was only $126 and I was able to make it into work by 2.

Just a day to myself

So it's been almost 2 weeks since I have heard Joe's voice. I am still doing really peachy. I can't believe how things have been going, things have been going really good. Money have been coming at me from different directions. I got an unexpected $600 from the government and $50 from a really old prescription refund. So hopefully Joe will start getting paid this month so that I can get all things will start getting paid off.
So today was conference and after I just came home to myself. I am feeling like I want to be alone again, but this last week I only had 1 day to myself. It's almost like being warn out, but it's like if I spend time by myself it's like Joe might be here. I know he's not going to be here, but we used to do Sunday nights alone were we would watch movies, play Warcraft 3, or a different game. It was just an us this and I miss that the most I think.
So things have been going slow some days and really fast others. At work I always make sure I have one hand on my cell phone when I am doing something loud just in case he is going to call. I haven't talked to him yet. I just want to talk to him bad. It was his birthday today and I just wanted to tell him happy birthday and ask him what he would like for his birthday if any thing at all.
I looked up Joe's graduation date and I am going to ask off work. I know my boss is going to go through the roof because he hates it when people take off Fridays and it'll be the 3rd month in a row that I have taken off on a Friday. I don't think there is going to be another Friday before I quite, or at least I hope so. But I might be taking off in July for the 4th, but I don't know if that is going to work out for me. Well I guess that's all that is going on right now.

Getting close to a week

So in about 12 hours from right now will be exactly a week since I last saw Joe. I don't know what I am doing yet. Living alone is really messing me up emotionally, physically and mentally. The place is a mess because I haven't had anyone over for the last week. I still go through my spirts of being upset and ushally cry alittle and I just haven't felt the same since last week. Things that I didn't think about before Joe are really starting to get to me. I didn't think missing intamacy of having him here would affect me so much. I miss coming home to a hug and a kiss after a long days work. I miss having a warm body in my bed who would talk to me until I felt ready to go to sleep. I miss the person who would give me a message or just cuddle with me. Everything I miss I think I miss just because I know I can't have it. I can't have him here and so I miss everything!
I was at my parents for dinner tonight and after wards I went for a small drive through lakes side park (a place Joe and I would go for a drive in all the time) and I just decided I couldn't go home and just sit there all night. I decided to call my friend Jason and ask him over for a movie. He inturn invited me to his place, which was fine. So I spent most of the first half there talking to his cousin that just wanted to talk about going out to the bar and the second half I spent with Jason, Jeremy, and Nate (Jeremy and Nate are Jason's 2 roommates). I have known these 3 guys a long time. Jason I have known since like kindergarden and Nate and Jeremy would be since like 8th grade or so. So I guess I was just happy to spend time with someone. Then I started to think that there really aren't to many people I can just call up at 9 o'clock at night for a movie. I wish I had a group of people I could just call at 1 o'clock in the morning and do something with, but I don't think there is really anyone. Nights are ushally hard in everything for me. I am lucky this last week I ushally came home from work really tired and did stuff till I was about to fall asleep and just crawl into bed and sleep. But I know nights are going to be getting hard, because they aren't as easy as they have been. I am not sure why, but i don't know what to do about it.
I need to figure out what to do with Joe's stuff. I guess if I put his stuff out of sight it's like I won't think about him. I don't want that. It's funny, his shoes are still by the door, his coat still hanging on the back of a chair, and his razors are still on the counter in the bathroom. I don't want him to really be gone. I want him still here like he had never left. I wish I could just tell him I love him more than anything!

2 Minute Call and a Dead Man's Box

So on Tuesday Joe made a 2 minute call to possibly me because if he called me I had no signal and he didn't leave a message and he called his parents who had their phone off. All he said when he left a message for them was "goodbye." So the one phone call he gets for only 2 minutes and no idea when he will get again to call again and he got to talk to no one! I feel so bad. I just wanted to tell him that I was proud of him and that I love him so much, because I don't know if I if I told him I loved him right as he was leaving. Even though I know he must know with all his heart that I do love him. I miss him!
So Micke warned me about getting a box of the clothes that my brother was wearing (even his underwear) and it was all put in a box. So when she got her box she said it was really creepy like he was dead. So we started to call it "the dead man's box." I got my box in the mail today. I was hoping there was going to be a note or something, but all there was was the writing of the address (which Joe wrote) on the outside of the box.
I was talking to my friend Chia this week and she said something that completely took me by surprise. Her and I lived together for about 6 months before I got married. She and I got really close, we even shared a bedroom. Her husband was overseas for the Marines so I helped her through many of hard times. She said I was very independent. Well any ways she was saying how I am able to handle myself without the need of others. It made me feel good that people think I can really handle myself. I guess I don't really know how it's to be not needed. I like helping people in any way I can. I guess I don't like the idea of needing someone else's help. I think that most of my time this week I have spent either in the store or sitting alone at home or at work. I haven't really had to much contact with people. I have not made my usual huge amount of phone calls and I guess I have kept to myself.
One of this that I used to tell him was that he was my guardian angel because when we first met I was really depressed. He was the one thing that was able to bring me back to my normal self again. He has always been my shining star! So what happens when the shine from that star starts to fade? I am worried that something bad will happen when my mind gets to wonder all the time without Joe to keep my mind focused. People need to help me and I got to get over my fear of asking for help.