Just thinking outloud-ish

So yeah this it's really thinking out loud, but it's getting my thoughts that keep going around and around in my head. I should just journal more, but for some reason I just spend my extra time glued to this stupid machine or watching tv, or a movie. Just been having a lot in my head so it's hard for me to really focus as much as I truly need to on something else.
So Joe and I are leaving sometime Monday to head out to Utah for a week. We are going to be driving out there, because it's going to be cheaper than flying. Just hope the car is good, because it's not like Joe can really call work and tell him he has car trouble because he has to be there. But, I'm not worried about it, we did a lot of repairs and such when I drove down here in Nov. So yep yep! I'm really excided by the trip though because Joe has never met any of my extended family, but my mom's brother Tony. So I'm really hoping this trip goes wonderfully. I'm mostly excided at the idea of Joe meeting my Grandmother, because I never got to meet either one of Joe's and this is my only remaining Grandmother too. And of course I'm excided to meet my two new neices Lisa and Alison Plus this will be our first ever road trip! We'll we've got to Chicago, but that's just the next state, so that doesn't really count for all that much to me.
So I went to a military spouce party about a month ago (it was one of those you go, are shown stuff, and buy different things that you want) and so I thought I'd keep going to these kind of things so I added a couple of the girls and so on. But now I'm wondering if I ever want to go to one of those things with these women (probably all older than me be at least a couple of years) because on their facebook statuses and their covo's to each other just all talks about drinking and getting drunk together. It kind of freaks me out! These are women either in their late 30's or in it that just talk about all drinking together. Plus that party I did go to they were all drinking wine. Jeez! I guess I don't really know what to think about that.
So my sleeping is getting better! Joe and I really try to get to bed at a good time now, but that will all change when we get back from Utah. Joe's going to start working from 6pm to 6am. It's going to really really suck! So I'm trying to figure out how I can still see him and start looking for a job again. I think I might have found it so I can do some little baby sitting here and there. But, we'll see if that works out or not.
I guess the future is open and full of fun. We'll see how the travel all goes.

Just some thoughts

So I'll admit that I have been in counseling for about a month now (probably said this already) but I have been doing a bunch better than what I have been doing. Still hard some days. Today was kind of hard because I got a call from a military program that I signed up for back in December or January. It was for a baby program that is offered by the base and they just wanted to call me today and see if I was still interested in it and I told them no. The lady I was talking to was kind of surprised when I said No so I felt like I had to tell her I miscarried. She said she was very sorry and that she hoped to help me out next time around. Oy! But I didn't cry this time. It was the first time that I didn't cry.
Usually when someone asked me about the baby (happened about a month ago) I freak out! I usually freak out and don't know what to say. This last time I froze and Joe told the lady who asked me that I lost the baby. Then I proceed to just break down. Of course we are in a public place. Man that did suck too.
So now we are getting to the point of maybe trying again. See we'll see, but that's the next issue that goes throw my head. What if we do get pregnant, when do we say anything? Yeah it's supposed to be safe after 13 weeks, but I read some where that if you have had a miscarriage you carry a 25% chance or losing the next one. So now I'm almost to a point of not saying anything till the baby is born! Which I know would never happen. I have known a few women who miscarried all the way up to 18 weeks! So I'm almost leaning till 20 weeks. Then we can just tell everyone we're expecting and the sex of the baby all at once. But you know it's once again as a we'll see. I am no good at secrets and hiding good news. Why is it so hard???

Time

Every birthday and things that go along with years always makes me think how long Joe and I have really been together. We will be together for 7 years on Nov. 14 and Married 3 on Nov. 24. It's just so crazy when you look back exspecailly when it comes to another year of being together! It's just so crazy. Because when you think back to when you were 16 or 17 that you were actually with the person you were going to be with the rest of your lives!
Today Joe turned 24. We were talking at dinner about deployment and death. Yeah pretty grim topics. But just think about it yourself if your loved one would get deployed and die... Would you remarry or just accept you have the love of your life just waiting for you on the otherside? Granted it would get lonely for the next how ever many odd years, but I couldn't see myself remarry. I had my love and I know I will have him again even if it's not on earth.
Just food for thought. Hopefully Joe doesn't get deployed, but we have no idea what will happen in the next 3 years!!!
I got bord and found out exactly how long Joe and I have been together! We have been together 6 years, 4 months and 22 days!

Military Spouses vs Church People

So I have been really trying to make some friends lately and to be honest I think it's finally working. So I have made a friend with a girl named Meagan. She's part of both worlds like me! She's a member of the church and a military spouse. I have met a couple of other women like this, but they all seem to have kids!!! Don't get me wrong I hope you all know how much I love kids. With my big family there are a lot of kids to get used to. It's just really hard when you have a miscarriage and you are hanging around with either someone who is pregnant or who have kids because all they talk about is being pregnant or their kids. Both not a good thing for someone who is hurting. So Meagan is a newly wed and doesn't have any kids yet, so it's just perfect for me! Plus the fact that she's my age and we have a lot in common has really made us some really good friends! I think we both had that void of needed friendship and we just really worked out for both of us! It's so nice to really start getting that friend who you can just go shopping with for fun or to go to lunch or movies with! I really have missed that!

There are also the Pierces who are also a newly wed couple from church. They are super fun. Andrea is Joe's age (so a year older than me) and Jon is 27. So it's fun because they are just fun people. We have been hanging out with them once a week for 3 weeks now. It's been fun. We kind of just do a group date. The first two weeks were at my place. The first time was just the 4 of us and a made dinner and we did rock band. Second time Andrea cooked and we added to the group. We gained Natalie and Aaron who are newly engaged. All of them from church. And this week we went to Aaron's for bbq! So who knows how long this will last but I like it.

And then there are just plain military wives. They are really cool and all, but some of them just seem so clicky! It's hard to feel welcomed in. I went to one of the million actives they seem to do all the time and I didn't feel very welcomed at all! I even stayed a long time just in hopes it would get better. I guess maybe it was just the environment. Ok picture this if you will, but a full living room/dinning room full of a close to 20 women and around 15 kids. And no one really talking to me, but this one girl who isn't even military! I'm not sure why she was there, but she was one of those who just talked and wanted you to listen type of girls. SO yeah it was not what I expected, because I get invited to this crap all the time, but nothing ever seems to happen. They just seem to friendly until you get into the same room with them, so it stinks.

As of right now I think I'll just focus on the church people. And maybe I'll look to the military wives, as a whole sometimes soon! I guess there are military wives out there that I really do like but that's really as a one on one thing and not a whole big bunch. So here's to my budding friend ships that they bloom into something wonderful! :)