So I know this is sounding grim already, but I just want to put my thoughts out there. So all of you should know by now I miscarried my first baby 3 months ago yesterday. Still hurts, but it's going to be that way for awhile.
Today I got news that a friend from church lost her baby last night. He was 10 days old. I guess he choked during breast feeding and when he stopped sucking her hubby and her just thought he was done eating. So her hubby flipped on the light and the baby was already turning blue. They called 911 and the paramedics worked on the little guy for an hour and a half, but nothing helped. He was gone.
So I went and saw this lady today. I brought her flowers and chocolate. She was saying to me what is harder, having a baby die or miscarry it? And I've been kind of thinking about it since. It bothers me that i never got to hold my baby, kiss it, or really know it. But she has all this stuff that is a constant reminder of her baby. So I guess it's hard either way, but for different reasons.
What also bothers me is that a miscarriage is something that doesn't really get acknowledged like a death, even though it is a death of something that could have been. They ended up cancelling a relief society activity in respect for it, which is understandable. But what do you get with a miscarriage? Nothing really. There is no body to do anything else. There is no grave, there is no real closure.
And death you know you have a body to bury. A place to visit where you know your baby is at rest. A name.
Ok I'm done.
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No one said you can't name it and have something special for you. I miscarried between Ben and Jack. We didn't get a chance to name it but we still think about that baby and expect to see it again. If you need make your own little plague or name your baby. Yes, it is your baby. It was really and you need to make it really for you. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI've miscarried twice. It's very difficult and sometimes you have to grieve for that baby. BUT having kids, I can tell you there is no fear bigger in my life than losing one of them. I can't even begin to imagine, nor do I want to try. But both are very hard.
ReplyDeleteAllow yourself to grieve and mourn the loss. Because it IS a loss. {hug}