So I guess I'm not sure what I'm doing now

So I've been in counciling for the past couple months, but today I ended it because I feel like my issues are resolved, but when I go we just are there talking about just random stuff and the councilor seems to fill in the time with her personal stories. I've been feeling since the last couple sessions why am I still here because I was really feeling better and I didn't even know what to say anymore. So now that I said that I'm thinking that I didn't know if that is what I should have done or not. She told me I had another 6 free sessions to do so maybe I feel like I should use them because they are there. She did say I could use them for a couples thing and bring Joe, but if we don't really need it should I even bring it up to Joe? So now I'm kind of confused at what to do. I guess I'll just have to think about it to see what I feel I need. I do feel a lot better though. I can be around little kids without feeling really nervous. I can walk into the baby section or even past without just feeling pain and sadness. So I guess I don't really need it, but if your getting something for free should you just use it till it's all gone?

I feel like I should write.

So nothing really has been going on at all. Joe's been working 12 hour shifts and it hasn't been all that great at all. I hate going to be alone 5 nights a week. It makes me really sad. Then I stay up way to late because I just want to lie down and fall asleep, which works but I'm not liking the fact that I'm going to be at 2am and getting woken up for a little bit at 6 whatever when Joe's crawling into bed. So it's just cruddy because I'm not sleeping well at all. I just hope it's short lived with the nights so I can start sleeping good again with a hubby that is sleeping at the same time. Also, it really sucks that I should be cleaning during the day, but I don't want to do to much because I'm afraid of waking up Joe. Jeez!

I think it's time to move!

So we are really getting close to the top of the housing list. We have been waiting for our lease to be over and now that it is we are getting annoyed. We have been in this place for 6 months and I think I'd be good leaving. Some of the things that we had to have them come in and fix and starting to break again. The pain off the toilet seats on cracking and the caulk is starting to crack in the showers. Plus I would love to get a possible 3 bedroom place on base! That would be freaken awesome!!! Wish us luck.

What to do?

So lately I have been praying for something to try to figure out some stuff in life. So now I finally get my answer and now I don't know what to do with it. It's a good feeling to know your being listened to, but it's also worry some because now I wory that I won't be able to do whatever I need to do to follow through. So just wish me luck and when I really figure it all out you will know. :) Thanks and Love you guys!

Joe's Birthday

On April 5th it was Joe's 24th birthday!!! Since he did such an awesome job at my birthday I tried to do really good for his. We went to a family fun center where we did mini golf, batting cages, and go-karts. I thought it was fun. For dinner we went to Olive Gardens because I got a gift card for there for my birthday present from a friend. It was a nice day. Here are some photos for you to enjoy! Joe getting ready for a swing!

It was really bright and couldn't figure out how to fix it. This was Joe on the mini golf course. The water was crazy blue! It was died a really bright blue color!

This was also on the golf course. Thought these two photos of us turned out really cute!

Joe's birthday cake. I know he's a little old for it, but thought it was so cute!!! Plus Joe is my little cookie monster.

Miscarriage VS Death

So I know this is sounding grim already, but I just want to put my thoughts out there. So all of you should know by now I miscarried my first baby 3 months ago yesterday. Still hurts, but it's going to be that way for awhile.
Today I got news that a friend from church lost her baby last night. He was 10 days old. I guess he choked during breast feeding and when he stopped sucking her hubby and her just thought he was done eating. So her hubby flipped on the light and the baby was already turning blue. They called 911 and the paramedics worked on the little guy for an hour and a half, but nothing helped. He was gone.
So I went and saw this lady today. I brought her flowers and chocolate. She was saying to me what is harder, having a baby die or miscarry it? And I've been kind of thinking about it since. It bothers me that i never got to hold my baby, kiss it, or really know it. But she has all this stuff that is a constant reminder of her baby. So I guess it's hard either way, but for different reasons.
What also bothers me is that a miscarriage is something that doesn't really get acknowledged like a death, even though it is a death of something that could have been. They ended up cancelling a relief society activity in respect for it, which is understandable. But what do you get with a miscarriage? Nothing really. There is no body to do anything else. There is no grave, there is no real closure.
And death you know you have a body to bury. A place to visit where you know your baby is at rest. A name.
Ok I'm done.

Just thinking outloud-ish

So yeah this it's really thinking out loud, but it's getting my thoughts that keep going around and around in my head. I should just journal more, but for some reason I just spend my extra time glued to this stupid machine or watching tv, or a movie. Just been having a lot in my head so it's hard for me to really focus as much as I truly need to on something else.
So Joe and I are leaving sometime Monday to head out to Utah for a week. We are going to be driving out there, because it's going to be cheaper than flying. Just hope the car is good, because it's not like Joe can really call work and tell him he has car trouble because he has to be there. But, I'm not worried about it, we did a lot of repairs and such when I drove down here in Nov. So yep yep! I'm really excided by the trip though because Joe has never met any of my extended family, but my mom's brother Tony. So I'm really hoping this trip goes wonderfully. I'm mostly excided at the idea of Joe meeting my Grandmother, because I never got to meet either one of Joe's and this is my only remaining Grandmother too. And of course I'm excided to meet my two new neices Lisa and Alison Plus this will be our first ever road trip! We'll we've got to Chicago, but that's just the next state, so that doesn't really count for all that much to me.
So I went to a military spouce party about a month ago (it was one of those you go, are shown stuff, and buy different things that you want) and so I thought I'd keep going to these kind of things so I added a couple of the girls and so on. But now I'm wondering if I ever want to go to one of those things with these women (probably all older than me be at least a couple of years) because on their facebook statuses and their covo's to each other just all talks about drinking and getting drunk together. It kind of freaks me out! These are women either in their late 30's or in it that just talk about all drinking together. Plus that party I did go to they were all drinking wine. Jeez! I guess I don't really know what to think about that.
So my sleeping is getting better! Joe and I really try to get to bed at a good time now, but that will all change when we get back from Utah. Joe's going to start working from 6pm to 6am. It's going to really really suck! So I'm trying to figure out how I can still see him and start looking for a job again. I think I might have found it so I can do some little baby sitting here and there. But, we'll see if that works out or not.
I guess the future is open and full of fun. We'll see how the travel all goes.