He's Gone

So I won't get my 2 minute phone call from Joe till later on today, but he's been gone about 11 hours. I have so far only had like 3 very short break downs. I am kinda worried about going to bed, but I am also so tired from getting up so early that maybe I can get pass this night ok. Last night we had the missionaries from our church over and they gave Joe a blessing which I think has really helped me out today. So may people have have offered help and I am so happy for that. I don't know what to ask of people. Can I invite myself over to some one's house for dinner? I think that's all I really want is to be in a family environment for dinner, because even though Joe and I don't always just sit at that table for dinner or even always eat in the same room or same time, but we did most of the time eat together. I think I am going to miss someone to talk to when I get home or eating or any time. I guess right now I will get to you, I didn't really call anyone today, just kept to myself. What am I going to do? Call 3 different friends and probably leave 3 different messages about how lonely I am and then when they call back I retell the same story of Joe leaving to 3 different people. So I didn't want to talk to anyone.
So I think I can handle all this stuff that is going to be going on for the next couple months. It's not like we didn't know he was leaving, cripes, we had this date probably a good 4 months at least. So I guess it's all kinda been preparation for the now since we got the date. I guess it's just strange that all Joe's stuff is still everywhere and some of his clothes are still dirty and he is gone. So many reminders are here all around me of him just being here yesterday. So I think it's going to be hard to go through his clothes (to take to good will because he doesn't wear like half of them and don't worry we talked about it before he left), see his gaming systems (which I guess I am suppose to try to play all the games which there are like 30 game), and see his car (which I am now driving) and just everything else. I think it'll be hare and I guess I wish I had some kind of distraction like a pet or something to just give me love and know that it's all going to be ok. I know it's going to be ok, but I guess I will just need to be reassured some times. I just love him so much and it's going to be hard. I wonder if he will even cry once, doubt it. It's going to be a test of faith.