I don't know what to think

So the navy has told Joe that he has to be on a strict diet until he leaves for boot camp. He also is working out like 4 hours a day with a recruiter! So the diet is the thing that is keeping me up tonight. He is on the cabbage soup diet, and he decided that he needed some for breakfast tomorrow! So It only took me about 4 hours to prepare and make the stupid soup! Where is Joe you may ask? Well he's been sleeping well around 4 hours now! So I am just waiting for the soup to be done simmering or whatever you call soup cooking. I got about 30 minutes yet.

There is a temple trip in about 4 and half hours and I feel bad but I don't think I'm going. It's not the lack of sleep because the last one I think i got about 2 hours of sleep before because they left at like 6 something in the morning. But it's the fact that I can come up with so many excuses for not going. I am on call for work and I'm not suppose to leave the city let alone the state in case they need me to come into work. But out of the last year and a half of on call weekends I have yet to be called in and I bet even if I did get called in my co-worker that works the weekend would probably gobble up the hours with glee! Another excuse is the fact Joe has to go work out again tomorrow morning in Oshkosh and won't be home in time for the departure time. So I don't want to go without him because this is his second to last weekend home! But hopefully we can still make it before he leaves because I think we both need this more than anything.

So I was listening to the song "kiss the rain" by someone unknown to me at this time. It basically talks about being away from the one you love and you kiss the rain because you can't kiss the person you really want to because they are away. It I guess was the first time I really thought about Joe really being gone from me. That my lips really might get lonely and thirsty for his kiss. Maybe if I kiss the rain it will help me out in one way or another. I am glad that there is one more weekend after this with Joe. I took off next Friday to just make that weekend a little bit longer. When I asked my boss if I could have it off he made this big scene with the "awww" but it wasn't the cutesy kind but like the whiny kind of aww. If I could go back there and ask him the longest he's been away from his wife, I bet it wouldn't be half as long as I will be without Joe. I wish I could go back and make him feel bad for the scene that he put me through. I guess I don't know what to think.

I wish I had someone I could talk to about all my struggles without wanting to turn the conversation to themselves. I have noticed that when I talk to people (except for Joe others which you know who you are) they actually let me speak until I am done because they take over the rains of the conversation and for the next 20 minutes I'm stuck with just "umm" "okays" or how ever you can say that you understand. Don't get me wrong everyone has their own crap going on just like I do, but I just need someone to talk to sometimes. I need someone to talk to about my struggles with family, Joe, and whatever is bothering me. Joe and I have been struggling with the conversations, and I think it's just are short tempers with his impending leaving. I don't want to show that I am scared to death for that first day. Because he'll leave and life keeps going. I'll go to work and hopefully no one says a peep about him because I am probably going to lose it. Hopefully I will be working alone in my buildings so that when I feel the tears coming I can just let them come do their job and leave without someone looking over their shoulder at me thinking anything one way or another. That would be nice. So I guess how all my fellow full time co-workers and I start work from this little office where my boss John sits at his deck making small talk with my co-workers as we slowly trickle in from around 4:45 till 5:00 o'clock. There are about 6 full timers that all sit in this small office just waiting for John to finish his random story for the day, but if he puts me in the spot light that day, I will cry and that's always awkward for everyone. So hopefully it'll just be a good work day where no bad stuff happens in my buildings that make my temper flare because I will just start crying uncontrollably and I don't think that is going to end well for me. I think my soup is almost done. If you actually sat there and read this, I feel sorry for you, but also happy that you would care that much to just read all my worries and complaints at this time! Love you!